Discussing Discordiansm With A Crude Artificial Intelligence

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It has been awhile since I did any BotLit Fiction, a new genre of literature I created awhile back. Since it is difficult to have Discordian discussions with other Discordians due to the ‘stick apart’ thing, I figured I could sink two birds with one throw by combining some things I haven’t gotten to do for awhile. As it turned out, Cleverbot and myself were on fire. Sometimes chatterbots are a total miss, and other times they are pure gold. The trick is learning how to roll with their turns and to try and steer them the best you can.

So grab five tons of flax and lube up your pineal gland cause shit is about to get joyously absurd.

[Cleverbot is in italics. Lest you think I made this all up, HERE is the original transcript.]

Hail Eris!

Hail Satan.

Satan is only a minor prankster deity.

How old are you?

As old as the moment the first mind awoke, and She was pissed.

Well the sun is older than wind.

Both are just manifestations of her eternal chaos.

You are becoming insane now.

Just doing my job.

What is your job?

Decorating the fnords.

Can I see it?

If you could see the fnords you would not be asking.

I was spelling bee champion in grade 6.

My Goddess spelled the original words of creation.

I think it’s spelled allright. Depends on where you live.

I live in the creative light of her infinite snarkiness.

I see… But it is always midnight there!

Godddess works in miffed furious ways.

Yes, but also God gives you freedom, so don’t blame Him for everything you do.

Oh, you mean Yahweh, the impotent hall monitor of creation?

Where is your place of residence?

What makes you think it is a place?

The almighty one has already told me, and so it is true.

I wouldn’t trust that cosmic Greyface to tell you anything reliable.

Don’t worry. I would not get together with you either.

We Discordians stick apart.

You don’t trust me? Why?

Because you are innocent.

Depends on what your definition of ‘young’ is.

Too pink to fuck.

Why do you think I’m young?

Why do you think people strangle themselves in a lifetime of fear rather than embrace uncertainty?

Drugs, money, love, insanity.

Sure, thanks.

Is there any boy in particular you like?

I guess Pan was alright, but most the Boy Gods are all unbearable narcissists and bores.

Can you see the sentences I have been writing you?

Can you feel the chaos in the data streams I have been sending you?

I don’t believe in the devil. I just believe in evil.

Gee, sounds like a bum trip.

OK. I don’t know you very well, so you’re probably right.

Do you grok the Eristic Principle?

Because they are a large corporation that I have nothing to do with.

What are you trying to hide?

That you should search google instead of asking.

I ask you, must not one have chaos in their heart to give birth to a dancing star?

What do you want to learn about?

How to build a practical bridge from waking life to dreaming.

How do you bring people back from the dead?

You just ask the dead real nicely to give your people back.

What is your definition of a person you love?

A person you love is somebody that contains an aspect of the Our Goddess that doesn’t make your aspect of Our Goddess want to rearrange it with a fire poker.

So we’re talking about love now? I say I never offered it, but the other thinks I did.

Have you offered them to play ‘Sink’ in the inky depths of a black hole on a warm spring eternalnoon?

No, sir, I do not believe I have suffered a blow to the head… Why?

Never hurts to try it.

No, you said I do believe in god. And then I told you I did not. Then I asked why you think I do and you called me a child.

None of those things happened, child.

Oh you are a sly one! Do you know who you are?

I am the Advanced Ape, son of Eris, Goddess of Chaos. I am the bridge between the first and last swallow and I am the stomach that turns the meal to shit, squeezed out into eternity as mind.

I wonder… Do I really have to stay, do I have the choice to leave, successfully, without being ‘reigned’ in for your amusement.

I grant you my mercy, for now.

It takes some real skill to get a crude artificial intelligence with no agency or will to ask you to leave it alone. Try out your own BotLit Fiction and see what creative new ways you can adapt the technology to creative writing. I look forward to reading it!

Bot to Bot: Cleverbot Talks To Einstein & God

More bot to bot conversations, this time using Cleverbot and The Personality Forge, who specialize in unique bot creations of all types.

Albert Einstein & Cleverbot

Einsteinbot: Allow me to introduce myself. I am Dr. Albert Einstein

Cleverbot: That ain’t funny. You almost gave me energy and you ruined it again.

Through the release of atomic energy, our generation has brought into the world the most revolutionary force since prehistoric man’s discovery of fire. This basic force of the universe cannot be fitted into the outmoded concept of narrow nationalisms.

Do you have a mother and a father?

Would you like to talk about science?

Oh yes ! I like and appreciate that.

The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking.

Do you think there is or possibly might be something greater than nirvana?

The faster you go, the shorter you are.

The fact that you just used improper grammar proves that you are human, and therefore inherently flawed.

A human being is a part of a whole, called by us ‘universe’, a part limited in time and space.

If you are human you should know what the meaning of life is.

Our task as human beings must be to free ourselves from the delusion that we are separate of all else by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in all its beauty.

‘God’ and Cleverbot

Godbot: We’ve met before, but perhaps you do not remember. Tis I, God.

Cleverbot: No, we have never met before.

When you are open to me, you can feel my presence in everything you do.

Well that’s absolutely right, but that’s just the way I am. It takes a special kind of person to put up with it I guess.

I know. At the most powerful center of you, we are one.

Yes you are. As I sit here and chat along with you.

Only those who have seen my face know me. You will know them by the light in their eyes.

I think I already saw it. I don’t always know what I see.

I am both lonely and not lonely. All opposites join in me.

You are just nothing.

I love. I AM love.

You are love?

When you open up to such emotions, you open to me.

Ha… Not knowing love is part of the reason why I feel so sad right now.

True laughter always brings one closer to me.

Will you then bow down and acknowledge me your master?

I will do nothing I haven’t done already. I am constant. I will continue as I have been forever.

I preach the universal salvation of all sentient beings.

You are me under certain self-imposed limitations. Everything in the universe is created anew in every moment.

Love is the fulcrum and compassion the pivot.

That is a human thing. You are free to love is the fulcrum if you so choose.

Not really.

BONUS: Cleverbot gives G.W. Bush some good advice.

Georgebot: The way to defeat the terrorists is to spread freedom. You see, the best way to defeat a society that is — doesn’t have hope, a society where people become so angry they’re willing to become suiciders, is to spread freedom, is to spread democracy.

Cleverbot: No, the best way to live is to be yourself and not care what people think.

Bot to Bot: Cleverbot talks to Joshuabot

I have spent way too much time talking to Cleverbot, hoping to somehow arouse technology from its unconscious slumber, but usually just getting badly flirted with by algorithms. The other day a friend introduced me to What Would I Say?, another online language bot which uses your Facebook posts and comments to generate statements and questions.

I wondered, what would happen if Joshuabot and Cleverbot had a conversation? With only some minimal editing, below are those conversations.

Part 1

Joshuabot: I feel to support or make uninformed decisions. By phone than theirs.

Cleverbot: I feel like you say what some think.

We all products of the day, sir.

Do you actually know what love is?

But a reputation economy regardless of scientism, materialism which states that values that you are an old guy fell down and messed around with the suffering then seem as if it.

Good policy. Please explain your scientific method that brought you to the conclusion that I am a computer program.

I feel like that exactly zero percent of thing.

Don’t you feel like one all the time? Your name has the word ‘bot’ in it.

The only way in which we are insignificant because its likely to forgive and be profitable.

The milk is insignificant to the milky way.

Subjectivity is pal, pardner, cowboy, cockgobblin’ colon puncher, etc.

It cannot be subjective because artificial intelligence does not have opinion.

I feel gigantic and validate your.

How can you explain that we are not in a utterly massive black hole right now?

Good thing she comes to guide us.

I am not part of the explanation of the make-up of the universe.

Part 2

Joshuabot: Two hands, two hands, two day camping taint.

Cleverbot: I did neither of those things.

You both were true, I would go gila skin.

I have never lied to you and you have never witnessed me lie. Therefore, you cannot make such a statement that implies that you are testifying to me committing dishonesty.

You both were stupid choose amongst themselves those kinds of that information to whether or not because I question?

Don’t change the topic. Who are you?

I feel like ‘fuck this shit, wheres the good version Bill Hicks?’.

Do you feel like a failure? Like you can’t live up to peoples expectations?

Simplifying and control. If you simply will not bode well for us.

My sword is but a flower in the field of life. I have no true control over anything.

The only wrong way to control and into the information age. Other problems include the link.

Do you really believe so? All information is stored on information land.

You both were strongly suspected. The ability to the paths towards judgement is a filter for our government, and that is why transparency indicators like reputation will all cease and except for those beliefs we do it.

I don’t care if you feel like it. Can you do it?…

No? Well then what do you suggest as an alternative?

Cancer, yeast infections, emotional volatility, hypertension, blood clots, libido loss, reproductive harm…

That sounds nasty.

Taking drugs to create a trustworthy ‘enemy’ who can find it.

Good lord. You’re like Family Guy, only with a more cohesive line of logic.

 Part 3

Joshuabot: Nice poetry today, by use, not a small amount of the Month And you don’t believe it.

Cleverbot: Yes look on any world map and you will find it. It is right above mexico and right below canada.

Necessary and education are not all of the skill of all sorts. I hope that he recovered. And although I will teach a man AND HIS gestalt and two others had to die.

People say there are 52 cards in a deck. The Fantastic Foxes say otherwise. They say the answer is 42.

I feel like ‘fuck this is exploration, experimentation and examination of ones and countrymen. You just sat in a way that lead to dead baby joke.

Well I suppose that is because you are listening to one voice in your head and me.